My life is a dark abyss

Woke up this morning, and it hit me: BK's gone.
and I'm not going to see him until January 20th, 2009. I'm not sure I'll be able to make it that long.
freaked out the other day at the possibility of him going abroad next semester; wouldn't shut up about it until finally Cathy tells me, "Why don't you just go to his door in Raymond and see if he has a white or yellow slip?" so I did. and it's a

WHITE SLIP WHITE SLIP WHITE SLIP

nevertheless, not seeing BK until 1/20/09 is like asking a crack addict to not do crack until 1/20/09. fuck, I don't think I can handle this kind of withdrawal.
it's just, every time he notices me, talks to me, smiles at me, shoulder-taps me, my heart jumps to my mouth beating in my head and suddenly I can hardly breathe for fear of the moment ending.

and seeing him at the Deece. oh, it kills me every time.