Celeb Sighting: Boston Edition
Today, two of Joss's finest were spotted on the mad streets of Boston (and Cambridge) wreaking Vassar-like havoc on the poor citizens of Massachusett's favorite (and only?) capital.
A certain Matthew Wheeler and Catherine Buxton were spotted navigating the much-less-complicated-and-infinitely-better-than-New-York-subway-system, sticking their noses up at sub par institutions like Harvard and MIT and dining on some delicious and strangely buttery nachos at the Border Cafe in Harvard Square. They looked very happy indeed.
Later in the afternoon they were spotted in Kendall Square, sitting on heaps of questionably clean clothes at Buck-A-Pound, and realizing that most of their wardrobe could easily be mistaken as merchandise.
For example, a certain Kathee "Shit Show" Buxton put down her black hat ("chunky black beret" is what HM.com describes it as) for a moment, only to realize in dismay she had lost it in the three foot pile of thrift store leftovers. Figuring it was an incidence of her own irresponsible nature, she dismissed the hat and was ready to leave it for lost when Matt pointed out that some cracked out chick was totally wearing...MY HAT THAT FUCKING WHORE...and had totally snatched it. Kathee proceeded to spend the next 10 to 20 minutes figuring out the best way to knife that cracked out bitch and get MY HAT back. But like, I totally wasn't going to just walk up and be like "That's mine, give it back, asshole" cuz that's totally weird and awkward. Because obviously, stealing someone's hat isn't weird or awkward at all. So Matt and I watched cracked out whore girl #1 and all her cracky movements with MY HAT and her cracky friends. And just about died laughing (and crying). And just as both Matt and I are getting ready to leave, cracky sophomore in high school whore girl group also decides that maybe it's about time to do some lines, or some sophomores, and depart, obviously with MY HAT in tow.
Cracky girl is def. buying my hat, or maybe stealing it and I am, in woe, checking out this Spongebob body pillow thing that is just about as gross as it is fascinating. I was thinking about buying it for my roomate (she really likes body pillows?) when a certain Matt Wheeler taps my shoulder and holds up none other than...
MY HAT!
I was like, didja knife that cracky bitch? Didja totally just like creeper it off her head? And Matt was like, no, at the last second she decided MY HAT wasn't worth it and threw it back. Maybe she needed the money to buy some more crack. What a cracky slut.
So Kathee has MY HAT back. But like, is totally afraid to wear it because it might have lice, or cracky bitch, in it. Not that Kathee didn't steal (and wash before use) the same hat from the bathroom of Rocky or anything... But it totally has value now. Cracky bitches.
Post hat incident, the Matt and Kathee were seen searching for the brass ducks in Boston Common and failing miserably. They also found an old graveyard and a particularly phallic memorial to John Hancock. (You do the math.) Matthew Wheeler may have been talking to the squirrels, who are much less interesting and very much more obese than the Vassar squirrels. They also figured out that, if J Moliere and Jordan got married, J's name could be Jaye Kaye. Which was like really funny. For a second. Then it was weird.
There was a lot of quoting of Mean Girls and Joesph Bricachek throughout the day.
Also, Matt has memorized the entirety of the Little Shop soundtrack. So watch out.
Parting was such sweet sorrow for Matthew and Kathee. Word on the street is that Matthew returns to his home state tomorrow and will be watching movies with "My friend Kendra" for the rest of vacation. Kathee did not disclose her plans, but rumor has it she will be spending most of her time at the Young Men's Christian Association, guarding lives or eating babies for lunch.
Both will be crocheting...big time.
Both are aware you're super jealous that a little bit of Olivia Josselyn lived on this vacation and you weren't there to experience it.